you really don't want to know

OK, so I’ve been having a hard time putting my finger on it, but here’s what I’ve come up with. These are not all-inclusive, and I’m sure I’ll come up with more reasons for why it sucks so bad.

1. Too much verbal recap.
It bugs the hell out of me when the actors are forced to recite lines for the sake of folks who couldn’t be bothered to tune in last week. That’s what the 30-second “previously on Heroes” spot is for. Not only that, but they take the scripted recap so far, it’s as if they’re also trying to fill in the folks who did watch last week, but are too slow to grasp the concepts being presented. The effect of trying to hammer a point home like this, is that I feel you’ve wasted my time and made me feel like you think I’m stupid. Perfect example? Peter says “February 2000 and 8…” he turns to his pseudo-girlfriend… “THAT’S NEXT YEAR.” Don’t do that. I think I get that it’s set in present day, when the cheerleader got a brand new Nissan Rogue for her birthday. Product tie-in for the win.

2. Too much Phlebotinum
The writers on Buffy the Vampire slayer used to have a lot of fun with “Phlebotinum,” or the magically perfect puzzle piece that helps you to make twelve mental leaps in a single bound, to connect the dots of the crazy-ass story, and gloss over it as if there were no mental leap at all. Heroes kinda has to employ Phlebotinum, but they don’t have to lay it on as thick as they do. You can’t give a character an epiphany where they realize something even though they have NO data on the subject.

3. Complete lack of subtlety
Between the actors, the writers and the directors, I’ve gotta exonerate the actors. They did it for me last season, all save one or two. This season, I think that could be the case, but it isn’t. Even the actors who can handle subtlety are being scripted or directed to can it. “Make a caricature of your caricature.” It ain’t helping. Not only that, but production effects like Sylar’s “watch” beginning to tick when we see him connecting the dots and the evil wheels start a-turnin? Yeah, Mr. Sound Man, your idea of a subtle production trick actually just stole a lot of thunder from your actor, and cheapened the scene.

4. No one in the real world would say that
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I see characters in TV shows just say things that you know, in the same situation, no one in real life would say. Last season, there were precious few instances of this. I believed the characters because I believed that someone in the real world might respond to the circumstances in the same way (at least, in a higher percentage of scenes). This season, not so much. Bad writing, methinks.

File this under random memories. Just had a flashback to freshman year, when I spent unfathomable time on editing hex code in the resource fork of my Finder, just so I could change the name of my trash can to “rubbish.” I also gleefully installed an extension that changed my mouse arrow to an animated rainbow version. Yeah, I don’t miss that, but it’s a fun memory.

I do, however, miss the gag extensions like Bubbinator (changed the text of every button in every dialog box to “bubba”) and Gravity (made the mouse, every once in a while, take a dramatic nose-dive for the bottom of the screen). Good times in the computer labs.

I never knew my grandmother. There was a woman in my younger life, whom we kids knew only as “gramma,” but we were told rather early on that she was not the woman who gave birth to my mother. She was a nice old lady, who apparently was a saint for marrying and putting up with my grandpa. He was a drunk, and she was the warm face of our grandparents’ house.

My mom and dad aren’t around anymore to ask, and there was a bit of confusion from my mother’s side when she was alive, since she had suppressed a lot of the more horrible memories from her childhood. Somewhere along the way, I’d heard from someone (my brother, or my uncle) that some signs had pointed to an allegation that my real grandmother had died at the hands of my grandfather, in some kind of drunken rage. I don’t know if this is true, and my brain is so confused that I may have even already confirmed or refuted this allegation by asking my uncle. I’m going to have to ask him again someday. However, I’m not 100% sure he’d know, since he was 4 when she died.

I absolutely love my uncle. I wish I could visit him (and my aunt, of course) more often. Every time I’m in their presence, I feel warm inside, knowing that these people are my olly-olly-oxen-free. I feel the family vibe when I’m with my brother and sister, but it’s a little different (what with the sibling rivalries, tensions from over the years, etc). When I talk with my uncle, I’m just in awe of the wisdom, the humor, the love…I’ve always really had a strong bond with my uncle, but it seems to be even more important and strong now that my parents are both gone. Being an adult orphan isn’t quite is crushing, knowing they’re there.

Recently, my brother and uncle were talking about family history, and the spotty facts that are known. My brother has a scanned PDF of an old newspaper page, on which we find the obituary for my “real” grandmother. He sent me a message the other day, asking for help because the PDF wouldn’t open on his computer. This was October 29th. He sent the file over to me to check it out, because he wanted to email it to my uncle. I was able to open it, and coincidentally, the newspaper page was dated October 29th, 1952, fifty-five years to the day:

Wednesday, October 29, 1952
PARISH (Special) — Stricken while attending a shower in her honor Monday evening at the home of her mother-in-law, Mrs. Alexander Forbes, Sr., Main St., this village, Mrs. Phoebe S. Forbes, 34, wife of Alexander Forbes, Jr., of Syracuse, died a few hours later en route by ambulance to Crouse-Irving hospital, Syracuse.

The expectant mother was guest of honor at a “blue and pink” shower and just before she started to open her gifts was stricken ill. Dr. William E. Merrill of this village was called. After giving emergency treatment, the physician ordered Mrs. Forbes taken to the Syracuse hospital in the Harter ambulance. Death occurred at 10:20 p.m., either en route or just as the ambulance reached the hospital.

The home of Mr. and Mrs. Forbes, Jr., was at 1524 North Salina St., Syracuse, but they were well known in this village where Mr. Forbes formerly lived.

Mrs. Forbes is survived by her husband; a son, Gary Forbes, 4; a daughter, Dorothy Ann Forbes, 6; three sisters, Mrs. Fred Myers, Miss Mary and Miss Mabel Squires; her step-father and several nieces and nephews.

Mrs. Forbes was a member of Westminster Presbyterian church, Syracuse.

Funeral services will be held at 11 a.m., Friday in the Frasier funeral home, 1217 N. Salina St., Syracuse, with the Rev. William Bigart, pastor, officiating. Burial will be in Pleasant Lawn cemetery, Parish.

Calling Hours are from 7 to 9 p.m. today, and from 3 to 5 and 7 to 9 p.m., tomorrow.

She was expecting. I had no idea. And I wonder how quickly tears came to my uncle’s eyes when he learned that he might have had a little brother or sister.