you really don't want to know

It’s funny when a guy like me says a line like that. Seriously, I’m not that smart. Ask my girlfriend, she’ll tell ya.

Anyway, since the iPhone was released, there have been hundreds of articles written about it, and about half of them are positive reviews from people who have actually laid hands on the feckin’ thing. Those articles tend to be in the “wow this thing is cool” category.

The other articles are decidedly in another category: the “how can we possibly put a negative spin on this thing’s already-wildly-successful launch?” category. I’ve seen so many reviews that list all the features of the iPhone next to some other phone and say “SEE?!?! It doesn’t have some of the features of its competitors!!” Well, yeah, now would you please take your head out of your ass and realize that “doesn’t stack up on paper” isn’t a valid argument? On paper, you can say just about anything you want, and make it sound convincing. On paper, communism worked. Every single person I’ve seen in an Apple Store playing with the iPhone seems to have come from a skeptical pre-supposition that it was totally not gonna live up to the hype, and TO A MAN, every single one of them has commented (to me, to their neighbor, to their wife) that they were shocked, the thing really is as awesome as they said it would be.

Some articles I’ve seen also list the limitations of the iPhone’s web browser, chief among them is the lack of Flash support. Show me any other phone on the market that does Flash, and has a browser this good. And people have complaints about the Mail program. Even though it’s better than any other mobile phone’s email program on the market. Not to mention, Apple has a history of releasing software updates for their devices to just make them better and better. Does Nokia do this? Motorola? Don’t even get me started on Palm software or Windows Mobile, shit-piles that they are. I don’t know enough about Blackberry to comment, but I’ve seen some compelling articles that don’t make it look any better.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am an Apple fan-boy. I like what they make. I’ve been repeatedly impressed with the quality of their hardware and software. The fact that they design both hardware and software means that, often, their product just has a fit-and-finish that stands head and shoulders above the rest, because it’s all custom-tailored to work together. So, I’m a fan-boy. However, when something like this comes along, I’m torn, because I also want to make sure I don’t get screwed with a lemon device (1st gen means beta) like many original Macbook Pro Core Duo owners did. Shit just breaks on 1st gen devices.

With the iPhone, since it’s a first-of-its-kind device, there are widespread complaints about what it’s lacking, since other phones out there DO have the things it’s missing. The biggest is 3G-network internet access. This was a concern for me, since I (like everyone else) would prefer to have the best of what’s around, especially if I’m paying $600 for a phone. But upon further inspection, the 3G network (which AT&T does, in fact, have on some of its other phones) is simply not as widespread as it is in Europe. The EDGE network is slower by a long-shot, but it’s also much more readily-available across the country. And, as luck would have it, EDGE electronics actually consume less battery life than 3G electronics do. Overall, bittersweet, but at least it’s not a terrible loss. I’d rather be ABLE to get maps and traffic info when I’m lost in a strange city, than NOT be able to access the wicked-fast network that’s not available in that particular region.

Truth be told, yes, the 10% re-stocking fee (if you opened the box and then return it) is something new to the cell industry (or so I’ve heard…I’ve never wanted to return a cell phone, since I kinda do my homework before getting one). So, of course, people are crying about the fact that OH NOES, I’m gonna have to drop SIXTY DOLLARS if I take back my $600 phone that I suddenly decide I didn’t actually want. Seriously? Why does this make you mad? Listen…go into an Apple Store before you buy the $600 telephone. Walk up to a table, PICK UP an iPhone, dial a fucking phone number, and TRY the thing. To my knowledge, this is the first time I’ve EVER seen a display cell phone that’s actually activated on the network and able to make a phone call. Usually, you go into a cell store and see that 75% of the display models weigh half what they should, because they don’t even have any electronics inside them. Just a sticker that shows what the LCD display might look like if, y’know, the thing were real. If you missed my point, here are the Cliff’s Notes: If you, the consumer, go into an Apple Store, pick up an iPhone, call your grandma, and in the course of that conversation you realize that the call quality ain’t so hot…and then you still plunk down $600 on that telephone you weren’t impressed with…then you deserve to lose that $60 re-stocking fee because you (like an idiot) fell for the hype and bought a wicked-way-mega cool device that doesn’t do what you want it to do, as well as you want it to do it. Re-stocking fees are put in place because they can’t sell your opened phone as “brand new” anymore. Demo models that you can actually USE are put in place FOR YOU, so you can make an informed decision about how to spend your hard-earned money.

Oh, and the 14-day return policy: this is something that people sometimes (but not often) bitched about while I worked at the Apple Store. First, I think it’s really lazy to need more time to decide if you actually want the thing (why don’t you know this before buying?). Second (and here’s a fact that most people don’t know), that 14 day period is also the span of time in which, if you have a problem with your iPhone, computer, ipod, whatever…you don’t have to bring it to the Genius Bar for repair. You bring it in, you tell them you just bought the thing and something’s wrong with it, and they give you a brand new unit, unopened, from retail stock. No waiting, no repairs, no “refurbished replacement unit.” To my knowledge, there is no cell phone shop or computer store that will do this for you, except Apple.

Lots of people are bitching about how you have to sign a 2-year contract, can’t use the iPhone on anything but AT&T’s network, and have to pay full price for the phone (no subsidies, or “freebies”). The only part of this I see as a problem is this: they’re making you sign a 2-year contract, but they’re not offering you any price cut for doing so. Generally, phone carriers give you a couple-hundred-dollar subsidy on a phone in exchange for a 2-year contract because they’re gonna make far more money from you on the plan, than they do on the phone. But with Apple and AT&T, for some reason they want to lock you in without giving you an incentive. The incentive is the phone. They’re giving you the privelege of getting the coolest phone on the block, and for this, you have to chain yourself to them for 2 years. It’s an arrogant move. But the bigger underlying problem I see is this: Apple has signed an exclusive deal with AT&T for (reportedly) five years. On the one hand, this makes me less mad about the two-year contract, because I can’t take the phone elsewhere anyway. But on the other hand, I’m pissed at Apple for signing an exclusive contract for so damned long. I don’t have enough personal experience with AT&T to really know if they’re better or worse than other companies. My guess is, it’s six of one, half dozen of the other. Every cell carrier is shady and shitty for one reason or another. I’m glad as fuck that they didn’t choose Verizon, since I know from experience that Verizon is as shady as they get.

Speaking of Verizon, they operate their network on a completely different set of technologies. Verizon and Sprint use CDMA for their network, while A&T and T-Mobile use GSM technology, which uses a SIM card in the phone, which can be swapped to a different phone for convenience, etc. So, when talking about using an iPhone on another network, you’re basically talking about T-Mobile. There aren’t too many other cell carriers in the USA that do GSM on a quality, nationwide scale. I mean, I hear T-Mobile would be a nice alternative…but it’s only one real alternative. What are the odds that that alternative, in actuality, would be better? I don’t know, and I’m sure it’s worth looking into…but truth be told, I think I’m good. I’ll get an iPhone and give AT&T a shot. It’s not like I have much choice, other than to refrain from getting an iPhone for the next five years.

And that ain’t gonna happen.

I’ve got my first-generation iPod sitting in the drawer, and it still works, and it’s a symbol of a huge paradigm shift that happened in my lifetime. I believe the iPhone will do something similar, and I want a piece of that.

——-

If you’ve read this whole thing, you deserve a reward: more fun reading material that falls into the “related news” category.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 12th, 2007 at 2:00 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.